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 EFAP RAP - Archives


2007 - Archives

Winter Edition


 

2006 - Archives

Winter Edition; Spring Edition

Fall Edition


EFAP  RAP

Your Employee & Family Assistance Program E-Mail Newsletter

Winter Edition, 2007 - Volume 2, Number 1

                      

Message from the Executive Director, Keith Robine, M.A., C.C.C.

CVARS no more?  Is CVARS closing down?  No, we’re moving forward.  The Columbia Valley Assessment and Referral Service (CVARS) opened its doors in 1989, thanks to the dedicated hard work of several individuals from the original member organizations.  They saw a need to support employees and their family members to get help when mental health, addiction, and relationship issues got in the way of their overall health.  After a thorough assessment, many people were referred to other agencies where they got additional treatment. 

Over the years, we have evolved to the extent that most of the issues that are brought to CVARS are treated by our experienced counselling staff.  We still do refer out occasionally.  However, our name no longer defines the majority of work we do.  We’ve heard from many of you that say, “I didn’t know that CVARS does counselling, I thought it was a referral agency!”  Therefore after 17+ plus years, we think it’s time for a name change!

Over the next several months we’re proposing to change our name to Columbia Valley Counselling Centre (CVCC).  We would still be your community Employee and Family Assistance Program, and our top-notch services would remain in place.  In answering the phones, instead of “Assessment and Referral”, you would hear us say “Counselling Centre”.  Our Board of Directors has given initial approval for the name change and we will be seeking final approval at our Annual General Meeting on March 12, 2007.

 What else is new for 2007?  Our offices will continue to get their facelift.  New paint and colors will add to the furniture we replaced in 2006.  We’re hoping the décor will make for a warmer and more supportive environment when you visit us.

Speaking of that, a lot of you took advantage of our services last year.  Our utilization rate was 11.48%, well above our target of 8%, and almost 2% higher than in 2005.  Does that mean you’re having more problems?  I believe that actually you’re using us earlier in the problem cycle and not waiting for issues to become crises.  Did you know that our average client only needs between 3 and 4 appointments to get the help they require?  I think a lot of thanks must go to many of you reading this newsletter, for it is your speaking about the benefits of EFAP that helps people access our service in a timely manner.

Best wishes to you and your family in 2007.

 

Retirees   by Valerie Rideout, Administrative Assistant

It has been brought to our attention that a lot of retirees do not realize they are still eligible to use our Service.  We would like to reassure you that we will provide ongoing assistance to you and your dependants while you are enjoying your post work years.  This is one of the many unique features our EFAP program offers that makes us distinct from other EAPs.

On another note, we are working on ways of improving the circulation of the EFAP Rap.  One suggestion is to actually have individuals subscribe to the newsletter and every edition would be sent directly to their email account.  So, watch for an EFAP Rap subscription link on our website at:  http://www.columbiavalleyars.com/email_newsletter_subscription.htm

     

The Mind-Body Connection:  Health Is A State Of Mind!, by Nilo Moller, CEAP, EFT-ADV  - Counsellor

In relatively recent times, diagnostic tools, including blood screenings testing the immune system, have demonstrated a definitive correlation between the brain and the body.  There is a field of study, psychoimmunoneurology (PNI), a modern science that examines the relationship between our mind, our nervous and hormone systems, and our immune system.

Known as the Father of Medicine, Hippocrates, himself, some 2,300 years ago, philosophized that to improve one’s health, one needed to look at improving one’s life purpose and character. 

 At CVARS, we have an excellent ongoing relationship with the medical community, as the vast majority of doctors are recognizing that the baseline of many physical illnesses have emotional aspects, and they are encouraging their patients to look at ways they can manage their stress, depression, and get adequate sleep - all necessary aspects of improving the immune system and speeding healing from many diseases.

As part of life, we are all exposed to events that can affect our emotions and cause sadness, anger, stress, depression, and anxiety.  Some of these events can include:

  • Being laid off from your job

  • Having a child leave or return home

  • Dealing with the death of a loved one

  • Getting divorced or married

  • Suffering an illness or an injury

  • Getting a job promotion

  • Experiencing money problems

  • Moving to a new home or having a baby

When you are experiencing significant stress (including “good” stress), your body will often give you some clear signals that your emotional health is suffering.  Some of these symptoms include:

  • Back pain

  • Change in appetite

  • Chest pain

  • Constipation or diarrhea

  • Dry mouth

  • Extreme tiredness

  • General aches and pains

  • Headaches

  • High blood pressure

  • Insomnia (trouble sleeping)

  • Lightheadedness

  • Palpitations (the feeling that your heart is racing)

  • Sexual problems

  • Shortness of breath

  • Stiff neck

  • Sweating

  • Upset stomach

  • Weight gain or loss

People with good emotional health understand what can happen to the body when the mind is challenged by the stresses of life, and they have learned that there are ways they can take care of and feel good about themselves.

The following are some components of emotional health:

  • Get counseling if you feel you cannot figure things out on your own, and you feel you could use some perspective.

  • Learn to be aware of your emotions, acknowledge them as part of your experience.

  • Learn to be able to express your emotions in appropriate ways.  Withholding or “swallowing” emotions inevitably leads to body ailments.

  • Being in touch with one’s own emotions allows you to be aware of and empathetic of another person’s emotions and experiences.  This helps to create less conflict in your life.

  • Being in healthy supportive relationships is wonderful for your self-esteem and personal growth, not to mention your physical and emotional health.

  • Try to take time in your life, daily if possible, to live fully in the present.  Pay attention to your breathing, zoning out guilt and second-guessing about your past and worry and anxiety about your future.  Think about taking up yoga, meditation, or other like activities, which have been proven to be real boosters of the immune system.

So, in closing, if you are dealing with some physical ailments that are concerning you, it may be worthwhile for you to consider what stresses you are dealing with in life that may be contributing to your pain or illness and perhaps impeding the healing process. The counselors at CVARS are available to help you deal with the "stuff of life" that gets in the way of achieving optimal health and self-esteem.

  

It’s Music to My Ears, by Laura Anderson, M.S.W., B.S.W., R.S.W. -  Counsellor

Our knowledge about the use of music in physical and emotional healing is as old as history.  With recent advances in medical imaging and brain chemistry, we are even becoming more aware of the science of that healing.  Music can be used to reduce stress, boost the immune system, lower blood pressure, assist in recovery from surgery and illness, and improve our emotional well being.  In my counselling work, I have become aware of many ways that people can use music to improve their lives.  Here are three ways that are easy to implement.

     Music to Reduce Stress:  Research has shown that listening to music for 30 minutes a day, five days a week can significantly raise levels of brain chemicals that help maintain hormonal and emotional balance. Music was found to reduce stress on the cardiovascular system and to promote relaxation and deep breathing.  Beneficial types of music to listen to include music that has orderly and predictable patterns, and music that has a beat or rhythm that is slower than the average heart beat (72 beats per minute).  One study, done through the University of Hawaii Medical School, found classical music by Bach to be the most effective at relieving stress.  A contemporary song that has helped many people cope with stress, including me, is “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by Monty Python.    I highly recommend this song.  Also used for stress reduction are soothing and calming sounds from nature like ocean waves and sounds of the forest.   Familiar songs, that have positive meanings for you, can be very comforting.  The music that works best is an individual choice and you may need to experiment.

     Music to Open Up to Emotions:  Many people have a hard time getting in touch with, and/or expressing, their feelings.  Being out of touch with our feelings, and not being able to deal with them can lead to many emotional, physical and relational problems.  An obvious example is when we have experienced losses in our relationships.  We can feel very alone and isolated.  Often these feelings are overwhelming.  Music can help with both expression and containment.  Songs from Beth Neilson Chapman’s CD, “Sand and Water”, is a good example.  She wrote and performed these songs to help her deal with the death of her husband.  Consider the lyrics from one of these songs:

                  All alone I didn’t like the feeling

                  All alone I sat and cried

                  All alone I had to find some meaning

                  In the center of the pain I felt inside.

These lyrics can speak to anyone who has experienced the loss of a significant relationship.  Not only does listening to this music bring out our emotions, it helps us focus them onto the songs.  It also connects us to at least   one other person who knows how we feel.  We interact with this music and are part of the wider world of other people who are doing the same.  Even though we may be listening by ourselves, we are not alone. 

     Music To Enhance Connection:  The above section leads us to the realm of connection and ways to value the relationships to ourselves and to others through music.  Let me tell you a personal story.  Many years ago, in my counselling practice, a young woman who was seeing me died very unexpectedly and long before her normal time.  One of her friends contacted me and said that she was devastated and had been listening to music that reminded her of the wonderful attributes of this young woman.  I had also been very affected by this death and had been listening to music that comforted me.  As we talked, we developed the idea of bringing people together who might like to share their feelings for this woman through music.  We organized the event, many people came and all brought songs that reminded them of their connection to this young woman.  We had a very special time of being together and listening to the songs that told stories of this person.  We connected to her and to each other (mostly we were strangers) through the music that we brought.  Even now I can go to that time and place through these songs and feel these relationships.

We can also connect to ourselves through music.  Think of the times when you have felt strong, have been aware that you could come through tough times, that you felt good about yourselves.  Has music been part of that time?  Can you use music that you connected to then to re-connect to the strong parts of you now?  Take an old song from times that you were invincible, you were on top of the world and bring it into your life.  Music is there to remind you that you are o.k. and that you can handle the tough times.  A song for me is “Bread and Roses”, particularly the Judy Collins version.  It brings me back to a time when I had come through a lot and was strong on my own but I still wanted someone to give me roses.

When I think of connections and music, I also think of my mother, a woman who had six children and had a hard life.  In my childhood, every time I heard her singing the song “Good Night Irene” I knew she and my father had been fighting.  Once I asked her why she sang that song when they weren’t getting along.  She said, “It reminds me why I married your father”. There was more to that story but for me, it was my first indication that music keeps connections strong even when they are challenged.  I smile to myself because I realize I do the same thing as my mother, only my song is “There Comes a Time” by Neil Young.  Whenever my husband hears that song, he knows that he is in a bit of trouble, but that everything will be all right.  Over the years of working with people, I have been privileged to get many such stories of the ways music has helped them in their relationships.

I am curious about the music that works for you.  Are there songs that help you with stress, with connection to others, with expression of feelings?  I look forward to conversations with you and ideas that will help us all to use music to enrich our lives. 

 


      


EFAP  RAP

Your Employee & Family Assistance Program E-Mail Newsletter

Winter Edition, 2006 - Volume 1, Number 1

Message from the Executive Director, Keith Robine, M.A.

       Welcome to the first edition of our newsletter, which we’re calling EFAP Rap.  We will be sending “The Rap” to you, our EFAP representatives, on a regular basis to keep you abreast of new developments at Columbia Valley Assessment & Referral Service (CVARS), as well as to provide motivational material you may share with your co-workers.  Operated as a non-profit society, our program has a number of unique features, which collectively distinguish it from other Employee Assistance Programs.  The features of this model allow it to be highly effective in promoting wellness and prevention, and in resolving personal problems.

Your contribution to promoting CVARS is vital and has paid off over the past year.  In 2005, our Global Utilization Rate was 9.51%, which increased from 7.7% in 2004.  This means that approximately one in every ten employees/families utilized the Service last year.  Now you could say, “oh, that’s bad, because people had more problems”.  And although stress in general is running high, we’re seeing people access our Service earlier in their problems, so that in many cases, crises are avoided.  This is good news because most emotional/relationship/family problems are much easier to solve when they are treated in their early stages.  This trend coincides with a theme that is becoming more prevalent in our field toward health and wellness promotion.  Watch this newsletter for continuing information about how we can promote health and wellness in the workplace and at home in order to prevent disease and lead more fulfilling lifestyles.

Before I close, let me make you aware of some changes at CVARS as we begin 2006.  I’d like to welcome three new worksites to our family of organizations.  They include:  Accura Alarms Security Services, Firebird Semiconductors and XL Quality Industrial Services Inc.  We’ve had a few changes in our Board of Directors as well.  We want to thank Chris D’Arcy for his invaluable contribution to the Board over the past several years.  A big welcome to new Board members:  Dick Bilenki, representing SD20 – Trustees, and Brian Plamondon, representing Zellstoff Celgar.

         As always, I would love any feedback you have for us and would welcome any ideas you’d like to discuss.  Call or email me any time at the CVARS office.

 

Promotional Tools   by Valerie Rideout, Administrative Assistant

       Promotion of your EFAP is key to having a successful program.  I have developed many promotional tools, some of which include posters, CVARS brochures, newsletters addressing specific areas of concern, etc. I would love to email you any helpful information for reproduction and distribution at your site.  New ideas and specific requests for development are always welcome.  Please feel free to contact me any time to discuss your needs.  I’m always eager to be of assistance.

      You can also visit our website for program information, interesting articles and links to many useful resources.

  

Eye Movement Integration (EMI) Therapy, by Nilo Moller, CEAP - Counsellor

       I am pleased to announce that this past December, in Vancouver, I completed intense training in EMI Therapy under world-renowned psychotherapist, author, and trainer Dr. Danie Beaulieu, PhD.

     As I have always taken a keen interest in how people recover from trauma in their lives and have, in fact, facilitated many critical incident stress debriefings, I was pleased to be offered the chance to train in one of the most innovative and effective treatments for posttraumatic stress disorder and other difficulties stemming from highly emotional memories.

     EMI uses eye movements to activate the natural healing processes of the brain.  A depressed or highly anxious or stressed person will tend to focus on the same fear (running an audio/visual tape loop) over and over again, creating a strong negative response.  EMI therapy helps the client access information in the brain that will help him/her discover the resources to start feeling good again.

If you are someone who is clinically depressed, dealing with anxiety or phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, or any other psychological problem that is inhibiting your ability to enjoy life, a brief course of EMI Therapy might be for you.  If you would like more information, call our CVARS office at 368-9118.

    

The Cracked Pot, by Laura Anderson, M.S.W., B.S.W., R.S.W. -  Counsellor

    One of the most common difficulties that people can have is the thought that "I don't measure up". We get caught up in noticing all our failures and shortcomings and not noticing the ways that we are o.k. or even better than o.k. One of our jobs as counsellors is to help others see the parts of their lives that include hope and resilience and strength, not just problems. The following story can help us remember this.

A water bearer carries two large pots on a yoke across his shoulders up the hill from the river to his master's house each day. One has a crack and leaks half its water out each day before arriving at the house. The other pot is perfect and always delivers a full portion of water after the long walk from the river.

   Finally, after years of arriving half-empty and feeling guilty, the cracked pot apologized to the water bearer. It was miserable. "I'm sorry that I couldn't accomplish what the perfect pot did."

The water bearer said, "What do you have to apologize for?" The pot replied, "After all this time, I still only deliver half my load of water. I make more work for you because of my flaws. "

The man smiled and told the pot. "Take note of all the lovely flowers growing on the side of the path where I carried you. The flowers grew so lovely because of the water you leaked. There are no flowers on the perfect pot's side. "

This story illustrates that not being perfect can be an opportunity for growth.

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EFAP  RAP

Your Employee & Family Assistance Program E-Mail Newsletter

Spring Edition, 2006 - Volume 1, Number 2

 Message from the Executive Director, Keith Robine, M.A.

 Hello everyone and happy spring!  I recently attended a wonderful workshop with Insoo Kim Berg, the leading practitioner of Solution-focused Therapy.  Here is a solution-focused question for some of you that want to make a change: what is one very small thing that you can do that will alter the way you think, feel, or behave in the world?  Solution-focused can be applied to many parts of our lives, groups, or organizations.  Simply put, it gives attention to solutions as opposed to problems.  So what, you may ask, is the one small thing that I am doing?  I decided to start bicycling to work.  This feels like a big thing, especially when I’m biking up the hill from Trail to Rossland.  Ouch! 

As far as our organizations are concerned, there is an interesting opportunity coming up.  Every year the Great Places to Work Institute comes up with a list of the Top 30 Places To Work In Canada.  Going through the application process is a fantastic way to take stock in our workplaces and consequently improve working conditions.  Deadline for the 2007 list is July 31, 2006.  Feel free to contact me for more information or check out the website www.greatplacetowork.ca.  The 2006 list was recently published by Canadian Business Magazine in its April 10 issue.  You can check that out at :

www.canadianbusiness.com/canadian_business_magazine/previous_issues.jsp

I have access to many articles on how to make a better place to work.  I am also available for discussions at your worksite.  Give me a call if you’re interested.

  

What’s New:

 More hours for Laura Anderson:

We are extremely pleased to announce that Laura will now be working every second Wednesday as well as her regular scheduled Friday.

 

New member organizations:

We welcome Toxco Waste Management Ltd. and Nature Works Remediation Corp. to our growing family of member organizations.

 “A Sprinkle of Hope”

The Sprinkle of Hope conference is being organized by the Human Services Department at Selkirk College.  This conference intends to build community capacity by creating strong attachments between one another in families, work and community.  Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a highly respected Vancouver-based clinical psychologist will speak on:   

§         Why children need to attach to the adults responsible for them.

§         The roots of aggression and how to address them without damaging attachments.

§         The perplexing problem of resistance and oppositionality including how to work with it.

§         How to deal with separation problems in children.

§         How to cultivate and maintain a context of connection with children or students.

§         How to create a working village of attachment for a child.

Practioners’Conference:  May 11-12, 2006, Sandman Inn, Castlegar

Parents & Youth Conference:  May 13, 2006, Selkirk College, Castlegar Campus

  

Some Common Misconceptions   by Valerie Rideout, Administrative Assistant

In my many years as Administrative Assistant at CVARS, I have noted a couple of very common misconceptions about what counselling at our Agency is really all about and how we work.  Please let me attempt to clarify.

Misconception #1 - The ARS doesn’t really do any counselling, all we do is refer you somewhere else and we will pay the fee for you to see a private practioner.

 WRONG!  Don’t let our name fool you (Columbia Valley Assessment & Referral Service – soon to be changed).  We employ excellent counselling staff who have a wealth of training and experience.  They do the majority of counselling in-house at our Trail office.   In fact, last year’s statistics support this statement.  Out of the 250 individuals that accessed our agency in 2005, referrals to community resources were as follows:       

ARS clinic counselling         -         68.6%  (170 individuals)

 Residential Treatment              -           1.5%

 Outpatient Programs                -             8.5%

  Psychologist/Psychiatrist        -             1.5%

  Doctor                                       -              4.8%

  Self- Help Groups                    -              3.3%

   Other                                        -             11.8%

As you can see, the lion’s share of services are provided at the CVARS office.  Yes, from time to time people may require specialized resources and are referred to other agencies.  However, your counsellor at CVARS continues to be the case manager by remaining the liaison between the client and the referral destination and they also assure appropriate client follow-up and after-care.  If you choose to see a private practitioner, in most cases, you can do a self-referral and any costs associated with seeing that particular practitioner are entirely your responsibility.  Just a reminder that you have unlimited, free of charge access to our counsellors at CVARS.

  

Misconceptions #2  -   It can’t really be confidential - even from my employer or supervisor.

IT SURE IS CONFIDENTIAL!  All counselling at the ARS is strictly confidential.  No information disclosed (even the fact that you walked in the door) by you can be divulged to any third party without your written permission to do so.  As a matter of fact, even if you gave your written consent, you have the power at any point in time of revoking your consent.   If you have any questions regarding confidentiality, please ask your counsellor. 

An interesting note for those who have to travel a significant distance to access services:

 We provide the following Counselling Services

a.      Face-to-Face Counselling: Clients see a counsellor in our Trail office.  We will offer an extended session for individuals who travel a significant distance.

b.      Telephone Consultation: Clients choose to have telephone counselling sessions rather than face-to-face sessions.

c.      E-counselling: Clients participate in individual online counselling sessions.

d.      Away from Home: As a courtesy, each ARS will provide, within reason, reciprocal assessment, counselling and referral services on request, for those affiliated with companies which are currently members of ARS’s located in other areas.

 The Wonderful World of Energy Psychology by Nilo Moller, CEAP, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV - Counsellor

 I am pleased to announce that I have recently completed several months of study and exam writing to achieve basic and advanced certification in Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), a form of Energy Psychology that you may have been hearing or reading about in recent times.

 EFT is a relatively new discovery that has provided many people with quick and lasting results from pain, diseases and emotional issues.  Simply stated, it is a therapy that combines psychology with acupuncture meridians and kinesiology. 

 EFT practitioners such as myself are able to teach clients how to achieve optimum physical and mental health.  The EFT Discovery Statement is:

             “The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.”

 And because our physical pains and diseases are so obviously connected with our emotions, we find to be true the following statement:

             “Our unresolved negative emotions are major contributors to  most physical pains and diseases.”

 EFT has achieved resounding success with most all emotional issues including fear, trauma, depression, grief, phobias, eating disorders, stress, pain; in fact, as a natural healing technique we are urged to “try it on everything!” 

If you wish to learn how you can help yourself in all areas of your life, do not hesitate to call and make an appointment.  Meanwhile, you can get a mountain of information on EFT in the following website:  www.emofree.com

 I continue to be proud and happy to be one of the Staff of CVARS, which has a long history of providing quality assistance to employees and family members of our investor groups!

 

What is Your Love Language?, by Laura Anderson, M.S.W., B.S.W., R.S.W. -  Counsellor

 When I was a child I would listen to my parents arguing and the arguments had a consistent theme.  My mother would say things like “Your are never home, we never do anything together, you don’t want to spend time with me.  You obviously don’t care for me like you used to”.  My father would reply, “How can you say I don’t care for you.  I work from 6:00 in the morning ‘til 5:00 at night.  I make sure the car is in good shape for you and the girls (I have five sisters!).  Look at how I fixed the furnace last weekend and how I am painting the porch this weekend.  What more can I do?”

 As an adult, I know that despite the arguments my parents did love each other.  I also know that neither of them could really communicate that love to the other person.  This is a common problem, one that I see very often in the couples that come to me for counselling.  I recently became aware of a new book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.  This book helps explain why people have such trouble feeling loved and demonstrating love in their relationships.  Chapman says that each person has a primary love language that will be based on their unique psychological make-up and their childhood experiences with being loved.  We express our love through these primary love languages and it is interesting to note that most often spouses have different love languages and don’t know it.

 According to Chapman, the primary love languages fall into five categories:

1.      Words of Affirmation

2.      Quality Time

3.      Receiving Gifts

4.      Acts of Service

5.      Physical Touch

 If, in the case of my father, your primary love language is Acts of Service, you will see these acts as the main ways of getting and showing love in your relationship.  If, in the case of my mother, your primary love language is spending quality time with your partner, your love tank will become empty if this doesn’t happen.  If your primary ways of loving are not the same as your partner then you truly are speaking different languages.

As a counselor, I have seen how surprised and hurt people can be when they think they are being a loving partner and it doesn’t seem to be working.  If we don’t know our own and our partner’s primary ways of feeling loved and valued, it is difficult to respond in the right ways.  It might be interesting for you, and helpful to your relationships, to explore the primary love language of yourself and your partner.  Gary Chapman’s book could be a way to start. 

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EFAP  RAP

Your Employee & Family Assistance Program E-Mail Newsletter

Fall Edition, 2006 - Volume 1, Number 3  

Message from the Executive Director, Keith Robine, M.A.

 Hi CVARS supporters.  We sure do appreciate all the ways you help us, through volunteer work, meetings, and the education you provide others about CVARS.  If you’re looking for innovative ways to help your organization, and us, you might consider attending the Health Work and Wellness Conference, being held in Vancouver on October 12-13, 2006.  This is a great alternate event to replace the Awareness Conference that many of you attended in the past.  I’ll see you there!

 I’ve been making the rounds talking with CEO’s, management teams, and city councils.  So far, I’m finding that there is a range of knowledge about CVARS, from none to extensive.  Those that know us are generally quite happy with the Service.  The main improvement they would like to see is even greater exposure for the program.  They also express interest in the concept of wellness in the workplace.  Probably the best single word to help move a business toward greater health is the word “trust”.  I’ve got some tools that can help and am available to work with your organization.

 What’s New:

Office Renovations:

If you haven’t been by our offices lately, you’re in for a big surprise as we’ve been doing a facelift that includes new paint, colors, and furniture.

 

New CVARS Board Members:

We are pleased to welcome Deb Robertson who will be representing Zellstoff Celgar, PPWC, Local 1; Katya Maloff who will be representing School District No. 20 (Kootenay - Columbia), KCTU; and Theresa Lenardon who will be representing the Regional District of Kootenay Boundary.

 

New member organizations:

We welcome Weathered Reflections to our growing family of member organizations.

Here is my question for you:  Can we be kids again?, by Laura Anderson, M.S.W., B.S.W., R.S.W. -  Counsellor

 My answer is YES, especially in our need to have a relationship with a significant person where we can be taken care of, shielded from the hurts of life and given a secure base from which we can grow and develop.  No one would argue that kids need that.  The good news is that if we didn’t get that as kids, we can start putting it in place in our relationships with our partners right now. 

 Our ideas on how we should be in our couple relationships are changing rapidly.  For a long time our understanding of what it means to be a “normal, healthy” adult was based on ideas from traditional psychology – ideas that evolved from the work of Sigmund Freud.  We were taught that we need to be self sufficient, independent, strong and in control of our emotions.  Not surprisingly, these traits reflected the values and norms of Freud’s era – Victorian England.  These ideas have been detrimental to our relationships.  We often are afraid to express our emotions, to show vulnerability, and to be “dependent” on our partners. 

 Fortunately, we live in a different era and more healthy models are emerging.  Attachment theory, drawn from new ideas and research in science and developmental psychology, lets us know that closeness, not distance, and dependency, not autonomy, are not only more satisfying in relationships but also help ensure our survival.    We need to let ourselves and our partners be able to share feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities.   Dependence on the other can foster a secure base that allows us to venture forth each day and face the challenges of life when we are away from our partners.  Knowing that your partner will take of you, when you need it, is the ultimate feeling of closeness and love.  This simply could be when you are overwhelmed with a particular situation or a more challenging  time when you are unable to function at the level that you desire.  When the attachment in the relationship is working, caring for the other is done with the knowledge that if the situation was reversed and you needed to be cared for, it would happen. 

 Knowing about Attachment theory, explains how most of the difficulties we face as couples come from threats to our attachment.  They come when we feel and fear separation from the person we most want to be with. 

 In future RAP issues, we will look at how these threats to attachment cause us problems.  We will explore what it means to be “dependent” and we will look at ways that we can preserve and enhance our connections to our partners. 

 

CVARS – OUR EVER EVOLVING AGENCYby Nilo Moller, CEAP, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV - Counsellor

 Just this past month the Trail Times newspaper elected to do a profile of CVARS.  Reporter Kate Skye interviewed Board Chair, Rosemary Edgell; Executive Director, Keith Robine, and myself as the counselor with the longest term of employment at the agency.

 I have been employed at CVARS since January 1990; and, as such, Ms. Skye asked me an interesting question that had me waxing nostalgic.  She asked me what changes I have seen over the past 16 years at CVARS.  As I was put on the spot, I didn’t have the time to even think of all the dynamic experiences at our office and with our worksites.  We have had some growing pains, that’s for sure, as have all our investor businesses and unions in a changing workplace culture.   Our dedicated staff and volunteer Board of Directors have variously shared tears, fears, joyous events, victories, grave illness, death, not to mention scrambling to keep up with an ever-changing political climate.

 For me, personally, the biggest blow was the loss of our health care sector investors such as the Kootenay Boundary Regional Hospital, Kiro Manor, Columbia View Lodge, etc., as a result of the decision by Interior Health in 2002 to pull out of our program and institute a 1-800 Employee Assistance Program.  The Health Authority definitely had no issues with CVARS; it was a move to have one provider serve a very large geographical area.  As I have a medical background myself, I have missed dealing with the hardworking and dedicated employees in the health sector.   Financially, of course, this dealt a rather cruel blow to our operation, as the health care sector was a major funder, and we had to find creative ways to cut financial corners and reduce staffing.

 Another major change in our investor groups has been the evolving shift in workplace culture, including downsizing and staff reduction in order to meet their own budgets or maintain profitability.  This has created an increase in our statistics of employees dealing with workplace stress, which often spills over to their home life.  I think it is very fair to say that the majority of Canadian workers are very highly skilled in their trades and fields of expertise.  Most of the problems they experience at the workplace, then, tend to be related to personal issues.  EFAP Reps and Committees in the workplaces continue to be dedicated promoters of our Service to help their fellow employees in trouble.  We, at CVARS, are gratified at the continuous participation of employees – union and management – who can be counted on to step up to the plate for the betterment of others.  Some of these people also sit on our Board of Directors year after year troubleshooting and making policy to continue providing excellent service to the worksites.

 Evidently their hard work has paid off.  We have, over the past year or so, initiated client satisfaction surveys, and we consistently score high marks in every area of service, not to mention we have new businesses signing on almost quarterly.  Even small family operations are recognizing the benefits of our very affordable program, which they see as an employee benefit at least as important as a medical or dental plan!

 We have earned an excellent reputation and working relationship with the physicians in our communities, as well as with Mental Health and other health and social service providers.  Clients are able to access our service with very minimal waiting.  Often we are able to see people on an emergency same day basis!

 As a closing thought – as the saying goes - sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.  The number one substance abuse problem in our catchment area continues to be alcohol.  As well, lamentably, there will always be a drug problem that affects people from every walk of life.    I think we can rightly be proud of our ability to literally save lives by getting those so affected into treatment programs.

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